im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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