When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
