Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
