Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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