I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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