I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
