I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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