I am midnight drunk by noon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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