be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
