I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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