So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
