apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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