This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
