if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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