Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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