Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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