this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
