Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
