Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
