He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
