I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
