I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
