pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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