dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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