Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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