In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
