ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
