i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
