Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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