Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
