There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
