Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
