please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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