We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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