I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
