he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
BRING THE BAGELS
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize