8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
