i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
