Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
