He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
