benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
