You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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