Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
