i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
