I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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