this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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