Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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