life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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