when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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