So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
