i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
