Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
