I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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