Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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