So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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