hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
