i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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