i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
