Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
