Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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