I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
