Your tits are I can't wait for
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
