You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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