JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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