If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's just like the Real World with babies
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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