singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
