He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
