Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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