Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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