Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
