When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
